India's Evolution Revolution
By Rupa Gulab
(Published in Brunch Quarterly, Hindustan Times, November 2011)
India is changing so fast, I can barely catch my ragged breath. In the last twenty years alone, these are just a few of the changes I’ve noticed.
Fitness
Then: The motivation to exercise came not just from the desire to look good but to protect ourselves from bullies at the beach who kicked sand in our faces – we were deeply influenced by foolish Charles Atlas ads in our parent’s trashy American mags. Our work-out was very simple: Hold a copy of a telephone directory in one hand and a copy of Vikram Seth’s A Suitable Boy in the other hand. A few months later, you looked as menacing as an armoured truck.
Now: The motivation to exercise comes not just from the desire to look smoking hot but to save ourselves from public humiliation. Come on, who hasn’t been accosted at a ‘Medium’ section in a clothes store by an obsequious assistant with an invisible megaphone who helpfully hollers, “Madam, please go to the ‘Large’ section.” That’s the most important reason why, for most middle-class urban Indians, a personal trainer or yoga teacher is as vital as toothpaste. We’re willing to sell our kidneys to hire them and fortunately there are lots of buyers in the market these days: the millions who’ve damaged their kidneys on certain terribly fashionable high-protein, low-carb diets.
Porn
Then: It mainly consisted of backdated, well-thumbed issues of Playboy, Penthouse et cetera, usually discovered in the bottom shelf of your father’s cupboard under piles of income tax papers and government bonds. Also, books by authors like Harold Robbins, Jacqueline Susann, Sidney Sheldon and a Mills & Boon author called Anne Mather whom every girl in school suspected was a man – who else but a dirty, filthy man could write such steamy stuff, they agreed in awe-struck tones. And, of course, that Sharon Stone scene in Basic Instinct. Those were such innocent days, sigh.
Now: It’s mainly on the internet. We have no time for traditional porn – and no time at all to be moralistic about it either. All our scathing criticism is reserved for poverty porn, particularly after the movie Slumdog Millionaire and Aravind Adiga’s White Tiger. The only porn we universally approve of is food porn, which is on our channels 24x7. Hands up all those who haven’t ever flung their sensible calorie-restricted dinners into the bin while watching MasterChef Australia and ordered wicked takeaway instead.
Food:
Then: We had Indian, Chinese and Continental cuisine to choose from. The Chinese food tasted Indian (unless you lived in Calcutta) and the Continental food was mainly English with Fish & Chips, Roast Chicken/Mutton as the stars of the show. They were accompanied with soggy over-boiled veggies that even pigs would turn up their snouts at. Baked Alaska was the hottest item on the dessert menu and it makes me weep just to think of it.
Now: We have practically everything including French, Italian, Greek, Lebanese, Japanese, Thai, Malaysian, Vietnamese and American food. Real English food, strangely enough, has dropped off the menu. I have to confess though, that life without Roly-Poly Pudding is not unbearable.
TV News Channels:
Then: We had just two news channels. The government-run channel was lacklustre, and the private channel was excitable. However, when we really wanted to know what was happening in India during the, say, Babri Masjid riots, we watched BBC and CNN.
Now: We have one terribly hush-hush colossal candle-manufacturing corporation that owns all the English news channels. Why else would news anchors repeatedly exhort us to light candles daily to protest against injustice? I can tell you this: once I find out the name of this secret company, I’m going to invest all my money in it and buy a pretty island somewhere.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
The truth about Arvind Kejriwal
ANGST IN MY PANTS
(Published in Hardnews, Nov 2011)
I’m not particularly fond of Arvind Kejriwal, but I have to give the devil his due. For starters, he’s got everyone in the nation (corrupt people included) talking passionately about how corruption must be eradicated. I think that’s absolutely fantastic, even though I do not approve of Kejriwal’s flawed Jan Lokpal Bill or his shockingly dictatorial and undemocratic methods.
Kejriwal has other sterling qualities as well that have gone largely unnoticed, so I’d like to draw your attention to them:
1. He’s a magnificent con man: Way better than some of the brazen characters Leonardo DiCaprio frequently plays on screen. He fooled us beautifully by calling his movement India against Corruption, when it really should be called India against Secularism. Some of us suspected this for a long time – and we have to thank the RSS (god bless their bigoted souls) for confirming our worst fears in public. Along the way we discovered that several people associated with the movement belonged to a group called Friends of the BJP, my my! Eventually, Kejriwal let the cat out of the bag himself by exhorting people not to vote for the Congress in Hisar, since there were so many other delightfully corrupt politicians from other parties to choose from. Pay no heed to Kejriwal’s indignant squeaks of protest and denial. If we all had noses like Pinocchio that grew by inches every time we lied, Kejriwal’s would be longer than Mount Everest. Though less scenic, mind you.
2. He deserves full marks for creativity: Instead of getting a cute baby elephant or tiger cub as the mascot for his pan-India movement, he thought out of the box and got a doddering old man. Such a relief to move away from India’s predictable Appus and Sheroos to an Anna, isn’t it? Even better, Kejriwal declared that his mascot is above the Indian Constitution. Terrific – he’s made him so much more magical than a fairy tale character!
3. He makes Sonia Gandhi look timid: Kejriwal is not a man to be trifled with, make no mistake. First he forced his mascot to stop eating for days on end to twist the government’s already bruised arm. And now that his mascot keeps making embarrassing statements, he’s ordered him to stop talking altogether (of course Kejriwal has made it all fancy and honourable by calling it a maun vrat). And we call our prime minister Mrs. Gandhi’s puppet? Hah. I would really love to see Kejriwal in a remake of that fabulous Charlie Chaplin film: The Great Dictator. He would fit the hero’s role so well, down to his bristly little moustache.
4. He can spend hours with Kiran Bedi: Anyone who has witnessed Ms Bedi’s insanely wild side at the Ramlila grounds will understand just how much strength of character it would take to willingly spend even one second with her. Gosh, my poor dog whimpers and races out of the room when he sees her on TV these days. What I want to know is, where is that ghoongat Ms Bedi was horsing around with on the Ramlila stage? She needs it desperately, now that details of her grossly inflated airline bills to NGOs have emerged. And she has the cheek to say that she was just being a do-gooder by putting that money in her NGO! Hmm. Pinching money from other do gooders to make her own NGO better than theirs, huh? Now that’s a very interesting lesson in ethics for India’s youth.
5. He is already being treated like a politician: Sure, it was only a humble slipper someone hurled at Kejriwal and not a sophisticated shoe, but hey – many people dislike him already - that’s definitely a move in the right direction.
6. He can turn Rakhi Sawant into a super star: Kejriwal’s PR skills are amazing. Look how he’s got all the major news channels eating out of his hands – okay, we know that most of the news anchors are idiots, but even so. And ever noticed how quickly he reacts to the mood on social networking sites and tries to swing it back into his favour again? I’m dead certain that if he handled Rakhi Sawant’s career, she would outshine Bollywood A-listers and earn much more than them.
Honestly someday I’d like to meet Arvind Kejriwal, shake his hand warmly, and tell him what I really think of him.
(Published in Hardnews, Nov 2011)
I’m not particularly fond of Arvind Kejriwal, but I have to give the devil his due. For starters, he’s got everyone in the nation (corrupt people included) talking passionately about how corruption must be eradicated. I think that’s absolutely fantastic, even though I do not approve of Kejriwal’s flawed Jan Lokpal Bill or his shockingly dictatorial and undemocratic methods.
Kejriwal has other sterling qualities as well that have gone largely unnoticed, so I’d like to draw your attention to them:
1. He’s a magnificent con man: Way better than some of the brazen characters Leonardo DiCaprio frequently plays on screen. He fooled us beautifully by calling his movement India against Corruption, when it really should be called India against Secularism. Some of us suspected this for a long time – and we have to thank the RSS (god bless their bigoted souls) for confirming our worst fears in public. Along the way we discovered that several people associated with the movement belonged to a group called Friends of the BJP, my my! Eventually, Kejriwal let the cat out of the bag himself by exhorting people not to vote for the Congress in Hisar, since there were so many other delightfully corrupt politicians from other parties to choose from. Pay no heed to Kejriwal’s indignant squeaks of protest and denial. If we all had noses like Pinocchio that grew by inches every time we lied, Kejriwal’s would be longer than Mount Everest. Though less scenic, mind you.
2. He deserves full marks for creativity: Instead of getting a cute baby elephant or tiger cub as the mascot for his pan-India movement, he thought out of the box and got a doddering old man. Such a relief to move away from India’s predictable Appus and Sheroos to an Anna, isn’t it? Even better, Kejriwal declared that his mascot is above the Indian Constitution. Terrific – he’s made him so much more magical than a fairy tale character!
3. He makes Sonia Gandhi look timid: Kejriwal is not a man to be trifled with, make no mistake. First he forced his mascot to stop eating for days on end to twist the government’s already bruised arm. And now that his mascot keeps making embarrassing statements, he’s ordered him to stop talking altogether (of course Kejriwal has made it all fancy and honourable by calling it a maun vrat). And we call our prime minister Mrs. Gandhi’s puppet? Hah. I would really love to see Kejriwal in a remake of that fabulous Charlie Chaplin film: The Great Dictator. He would fit the hero’s role so well, down to his bristly little moustache.
4. He can spend hours with Kiran Bedi: Anyone who has witnessed Ms Bedi’s insanely wild side at the Ramlila grounds will understand just how much strength of character it would take to willingly spend even one second with her. Gosh, my poor dog whimpers and races out of the room when he sees her on TV these days. What I want to know is, where is that ghoongat Ms Bedi was horsing around with on the Ramlila stage? She needs it desperately, now that details of her grossly inflated airline bills to NGOs have emerged. And she has the cheek to say that she was just being a do-gooder by putting that money in her NGO! Hmm. Pinching money from other do gooders to make her own NGO better than theirs, huh? Now that’s a very interesting lesson in ethics for India’s youth.
5. He is already being treated like a politician: Sure, it was only a humble slipper someone hurled at Kejriwal and not a sophisticated shoe, but hey – many people dislike him already - that’s definitely a move in the right direction.
6. He can turn Rakhi Sawant into a super star: Kejriwal’s PR skills are amazing. Look how he’s got all the major news channels eating out of his hands – okay, we know that most of the news anchors are idiots, but even so. And ever noticed how quickly he reacts to the mood on social networking sites and tries to swing it back into his favour again? I’m dead certain that if he handled Rakhi Sawant’s career, she would outshine Bollywood A-listers and earn much more than them.
Honestly someday I’d like to meet Arvind Kejriwal, shake his hand warmly, and tell him what I really think of him.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
When all else fails, try PR.
ANGST IN MY PANTS
(Published in Hardnews, October 2011)
Aha - the BJP has finally decided what cutting-edge strategy they’re going to use to win the next general elections: cosmetic surgery and PR services. Taking a cue from TMC party leader Mamata Banerjee who literally ran for the West Bengal elections on a treadmill to ensure that no unseemly triple chin marred her victory photographs, BJP Party President Nitin Gadkari recently signed up for bariatric surgery. His stomach has been stapled so that he can just about manage to consume one samosa with his evening cuppa instead of his usual 307 (I’m putting a modest estimate here). I’m dead certain no one is happier about this than his over-worked family cook – my heart goes out to the poor chap who has slaved over a hot stove from dawn to dusk to feed a bottomless pit. Several critics have sneered at the surgery, but of course: they’ve pointed out that Gadkari’s a lazy man with no self control - he just wants the easy way out. Hmm, they do have a point but let’s look on the bright side too: there may be no more food shortage in the country, hooray!
Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi wants an easier way out: an instant image makeover without surgery. Sad, because the only way secular Indians will even consider him as a human being is if he has a heart and brain transplant. A little bird on a news channel told me that he’s hired an American PR firm to whitewash his image – I think the PR dudes got the brief wrong because it seems more like an exercise in hogwash. Anyway, a report from the US Congressional Research Service has suddenly surfaced that says glowing things about Modi’s skills at development, including the fact that they expect to see him as one of the frontrunners for the post of prime minister in the 2014 general elections. If this really is true (you can never tell when PR agencies are involved), all I can say with a smirk is, America loves dealing with dictators. They’ve lost quite a few they were rather fond of in the oil-rich Middle East recently and replacements are required. Autocratic Modi would be an excellent choice, there’s no doubt about it. Admittedly he can’t deliver oil, but he’s got tremendous reserves of natural gas.
As a result of this PR exercise, the nation has been cruelly subjected to a couple of open letters from Modi, announcing his Sadbhavana Mission in terrible English. This Sadbhavana thingie turned out to be a public fast-for-harmony which was performed on a stage with deathly dull speeches by some of India’s creepiest fascists. I valiantly tried to watch this event on TV but it was the most boring freak show on earth ever. All my school girl notions about fascists being electrifying speakers have been dashed to smithereens. Weirder still, the nation was expected to applaud as controversial politicians like MNS leader Raj Thackeray gave Modi wonderful character certificates. On the final day of Modi’s extravagant party, one thing was clear - it’s not working. For starters, he looks like he needs bariatric surgery as well – his clothes still fit him rather too snugly for comfort even after three days of fasting – tsk, he’s probably been snacking on the sly. Also, let’s not forget that the 2002 riot victims and several activists who attempted to protest were detained - so much for mutual understanding and harmony, hah! And I’m not even going to get into the fact that some of the BJPs alliance partners like the Janata Dal-United absolutely refused to participate in this sham. Or that the VHP and RSS were not exactly enthusiastic about it either. Those are just minor details.
And now on to yet another wannabe prime minister from the BJP: LK Advani. He’s proved to be the laziest of them all by riding piggyback on the India against Corruption movement with grand plans for an anti- corruption rath yatra, yawn. If he really wants to make us sit up, he should participate in the Formula One Grand Prix in Noida instead. That will be more fun and who knows, it may do wonders for his image as a doddering old sod as well!
Ah well. Typical, isn’t it, that the BJP has to con us with tacky PR initiatives in an attempt to win elections?
(Published in Hardnews, October 2011)
Aha - the BJP has finally decided what cutting-edge strategy they’re going to use to win the next general elections: cosmetic surgery and PR services. Taking a cue from TMC party leader Mamata Banerjee who literally ran for the West Bengal elections on a treadmill to ensure that no unseemly triple chin marred her victory photographs, BJP Party President Nitin Gadkari recently signed up for bariatric surgery. His stomach has been stapled so that he can just about manage to consume one samosa with his evening cuppa instead of his usual 307 (I’m putting a modest estimate here). I’m dead certain no one is happier about this than his over-worked family cook – my heart goes out to the poor chap who has slaved over a hot stove from dawn to dusk to feed a bottomless pit. Several critics have sneered at the surgery, but of course: they’ve pointed out that Gadkari’s a lazy man with no self control - he just wants the easy way out. Hmm, they do have a point but let’s look on the bright side too: there may be no more food shortage in the country, hooray!
Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi wants an easier way out: an instant image makeover without surgery. Sad, because the only way secular Indians will even consider him as a human being is if he has a heart and brain transplant. A little bird on a news channel told me that he’s hired an American PR firm to whitewash his image – I think the PR dudes got the brief wrong because it seems more like an exercise in hogwash. Anyway, a report from the US Congressional Research Service has suddenly surfaced that says glowing things about Modi’s skills at development, including the fact that they expect to see him as one of the frontrunners for the post of prime minister in the 2014 general elections. If this really is true (you can never tell when PR agencies are involved), all I can say with a smirk is, America loves dealing with dictators. They’ve lost quite a few they were rather fond of in the oil-rich Middle East recently and replacements are required. Autocratic Modi would be an excellent choice, there’s no doubt about it. Admittedly he can’t deliver oil, but he’s got tremendous reserves of natural gas.
As a result of this PR exercise, the nation has been cruelly subjected to a couple of open letters from Modi, announcing his Sadbhavana Mission in terrible English. This Sadbhavana thingie turned out to be a public fast-for-harmony which was performed on a stage with deathly dull speeches by some of India’s creepiest fascists. I valiantly tried to watch this event on TV but it was the most boring freak show on earth ever. All my school girl notions about fascists being electrifying speakers have been dashed to smithereens. Weirder still, the nation was expected to applaud as controversial politicians like MNS leader Raj Thackeray gave Modi wonderful character certificates. On the final day of Modi’s extravagant party, one thing was clear - it’s not working. For starters, he looks like he needs bariatric surgery as well – his clothes still fit him rather too snugly for comfort even after three days of fasting – tsk, he’s probably been snacking on the sly. Also, let’s not forget that the 2002 riot victims and several activists who attempted to protest were detained - so much for mutual understanding and harmony, hah! And I’m not even going to get into the fact that some of the BJPs alliance partners like the Janata Dal-United absolutely refused to participate in this sham. Or that the VHP and RSS were not exactly enthusiastic about it either. Those are just minor details.
And now on to yet another wannabe prime minister from the BJP: LK Advani. He’s proved to be the laziest of them all by riding piggyback on the India against Corruption movement with grand plans for an anti- corruption rath yatra, yawn. If he really wants to make us sit up, he should participate in the Formula One Grand Prix in Noida instead. That will be more fun and who knows, it may do wonders for his image as a doddering old sod as well!
Ah well. Typical, isn’t it, that the BJP has to con us with tacky PR initiatives in an attempt to win elections?
Saturday, September 3, 2011
BJP come back!
ANGST IN MY PANTS
(Published in Hardnews, September 2011)
I just can’t wait for the Bharatiya Janata Party to come back to power again! They have proved to be a shockingly lazy opposition that prefers to disrupt proceedings rather than let Parliament function – if in power those shameless slackers will have to put in some amount of work whether they like it or not. Also, it may be wildly entertaining to have them in the spotlight, particularly if senior leader LK Advani is not made prime minister this time round again. I bet the jealous man will continue to make the same nasty personal remarks he frequently makes about prime minister Manmohan Singh against his party’s prime minister too. After which their erm, pleasantly plump party president Nitin Gadkari may have to squash him. I recommend a simple method: Gadkari should sit on him. Not a squeak will be heard out of Advani thereafter, I’m pretty sure of that.
However, the most important reason why I want the BJP back in power is because I have all these wonderful plans on how to fix them good and proper – I still haven’t forgiven them for their role in communal riots, and I never will. They’re beautifully pompous and sanctimonious right now with these jaw-dropping scams exploding in the UPAs face and the noisy Anna Hazare-led anti-corruption movement. They’ve even succeeded in fooling themselves that Hazare’s movement is targeted only at the UPA - and that’s so not true! I’d love to see the BJP in a position when the shoe is on the other foot.
For starters, I’m launching a movement called India against Communalism because I fervently believe in a secular India. It’s not difficult really –my panel will be made up of squeaky clean former Supreme Court/High Court judges, a former cop with a decent reputation and of course I’ll hire a professional faster like Anna Hazare as well. Not Hazare himself - it wouldn’t be appropriate considering that he has several right-wing buddies. Sad, because now he’s the nation’s hero - his caps are selling like hot cakes and many babies born recently have been named after him. I will have to find someone else who can effortlessly fast for many days so I guess I’ll have to settle for a professional model. Someone who already buys size zero will be shockingly skinny after a few days of fasting and this will make the government terribly anxious.
We will politely ask the BJP if we can hold a peaceful demonstration of over 5000 people at Rajghat – and we’ll warmly assure them that we won’t do vulgar things like dancing on Mahatma Gandhi’s symbolic grave like senior BJP leader Sushma Swaraj (even though we dance much, much better than she can). If they deny us permission, perhaps their young leader Varun Gandhi will graciously offer us his house for our demonstration – hey, he did that for Anna Hazare. Oops no, I doubt it – I’ve just remembered some particularly vicious remarks he made about a certain religious community some years ago. Okay, so we’ll get a fab PR agency and go to the media who will scream and shout ceaselessly (particularly the nation’s permanently outraged superhero: Fatman of Times Now TV) and the government will eventually cave in and we’ll be offered many demonstration venues to choose from.
I’ve already written down two non-negotiable demands that Indian against Communalism will insist on:
1. A bill must be passed that ensures that any politician with even the merest whiff of a communal taint will be given life imprisonment. Only because I don’t believe in the death sentence. All their assets must be confiscated and handed over to families who have been victims of communal riots. We will not budge on this. Nasty people must not be allowed to roam freely in society – we must protect not just our innocent children but their innocent children as well!
2. All right-wing supporters who leave filthy messages on blogs and articles by secular citizens must be punished for profanity. Equally importantly, they must be arrested for their lousy grammar. I have never understood why their grammar is so dreadful, but then I cannot pretend to understand why people are bigots either. Perhaps it’s because only brainless people are bigots? That makes sense, somehow.
Right, I’m working very hard on my India against Communalism bill. I do hope you will join my movement, because personally I believe communalism is a more serious threat to India than corruption.
(Published in Hardnews, September 2011)
I just can’t wait for the Bharatiya Janata Party to come back to power again! They have proved to be a shockingly lazy opposition that prefers to disrupt proceedings rather than let Parliament function – if in power those shameless slackers will have to put in some amount of work whether they like it or not. Also, it may be wildly entertaining to have them in the spotlight, particularly if senior leader LK Advani is not made prime minister this time round again. I bet the jealous man will continue to make the same nasty personal remarks he frequently makes about prime minister Manmohan Singh against his party’s prime minister too. After which their erm, pleasantly plump party president Nitin Gadkari may have to squash him. I recommend a simple method: Gadkari should sit on him. Not a squeak will be heard out of Advani thereafter, I’m pretty sure of that.
However, the most important reason why I want the BJP back in power is because I have all these wonderful plans on how to fix them good and proper – I still haven’t forgiven them for their role in communal riots, and I never will. They’re beautifully pompous and sanctimonious right now with these jaw-dropping scams exploding in the UPAs face and the noisy Anna Hazare-led anti-corruption movement. They’ve even succeeded in fooling themselves that Hazare’s movement is targeted only at the UPA - and that’s so not true! I’d love to see the BJP in a position when the shoe is on the other foot.
For starters, I’m launching a movement called India against Communalism because I fervently believe in a secular India. It’s not difficult really –my panel will be made up of squeaky clean former Supreme Court/High Court judges, a former cop with a decent reputation and of course I’ll hire a professional faster like Anna Hazare as well. Not Hazare himself - it wouldn’t be appropriate considering that he has several right-wing buddies. Sad, because now he’s the nation’s hero - his caps are selling like hot cakes and many babies born recently have been named after him. I will have to find someone else who can effortlessly fast for many days so I guess I’ll have to settle for a professional model. Someone who already buys size zero will be shockingly skinny after a few days of fasting and this will make the government terribly anxious.
We will politely ask the BJP if we can hold a peaceful demonstration of over 5000 people at Rajghat – and we’ll warmly assure them that we won’t do vulgar things like dancing on Mahatma Gandhi’s symbolic grave like senior BJP leader Sushma Swaraj (even though we dance much, much better than she can). If they deny us permission, perhaps their young leader Varun Gandhi will graciously offer us his house for our demonstration – hey, he did that for Anna Hazare. Oops no, I doubt it – I’ve just remembered some particularly vicious remarks he made about a certain religious community some years ago. Okay, so we’ll get a fab PR agency and go to the media who will scream and shout ceaselessly (particularly the nation’s permanently outraged superhero: Fatman of Times Now TV) and the government will eventually cave in and we’ll be offered many demonstration venues to choose from.
I’ve already written down two non-negotiable demands that Indian against Communalism will insist on:
1. A bill must be passed that ensures that any politician with even the merest whiff of a communal taint will be given life imprisonment. Only because I don’t believe in the death sentence. All their assets must be confiscated and handed over to families who have been victims of communal riots. We will not budge on this. Nasty people must not be allowed to roam freely in society – we must protect not just our innocent children but their innocent children as well!
2. All right-wing supporters who leave filthy messages on blogs and articles by secular citizens must be punished for profanity. Equally importantly, they must be arrested for their lousy grammar. I have never understood why their grammar is so dreadful, but then I cannot pretend to understand why people are bigots either. Perhaps it’s because only brainless people are bigots? That makes sense, somehow.
Right, I’m working very hard on my India against Communalism bill. I do hope you will join my movement, because personally I believe communalism is a more serious threat to India than corruption.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
India against Blackmailers, Dictators, Annarchists & Fasters
I've had it up to here with the blackmail, mass hysteria and mobocracy unleashed by the India against Corruption team. First they try to shove a bill down our throat by blackmail rather than serious debates in Parliament, then they lie with grandiose statements like, "All of India is with Anna" - the morons can't even do simple mathematics. Even worse I've been innundated with annoying text messages urging me to join their idiotic marches and yell that jingoistic Wagah border nonsense.
Hello, I'm as anti-corruption as they come and I do want a Lokpal bill but not their flawed one - and definitely not this slimy way.
After their movement dies down, here are a few suggestions for books they can write:
1. My Experiments with Blackmail by Anna Hazare
2. Get back at your former boss by making an old man starve to death by Arvind Kejriwal & Kiran Bedi.
And as I write this, I'm aware that supporters of this creepy movement will hurl insults at me. But I don't care - I live in a democracy and I too have the right to air my views. Meanwhile, please donate your old civics textbooks to India against Corruption. The poor things haven't a clue about parliamentary democracy, tsk.
Hello, I'm as anti-corruption as they come and I do want a Lokpal bill but not their flawed one - and definitely not this slimy way.
After their movement dies down, here are a few suggestions for books they can write:
1. My Experiments with Blackmail by Anna Hazare
2. Get back at your former boss by making an old man starve to death by Arvind Kejriwal & Kiran Bedi.
And as I write this, I'm aware that supporters of this creepy movement will hurl insults at me. But I don't care - I live in a democracy and I too have the right to air my views. Meanwhile, please donate your old civics textbooks to India against Corruption. The poor things haven't a clue about parliamentary democracy, tsk.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Great-Grandson of Godawful Poetry Fortnight
http://zigzackly.blogspot.com/2011/08/great-grandson-of-godawful-poetry.html
(Go to zigzackly.blogspot.com for the sordid details)
And now (after I clear my throat) my humble contribution for 2011:
Cockroaches to the left of me, cockroaches to the right,
My blood it froze like popsicles at such a fearsome sight.
“Oh Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou,”
I screamed like Bianca Castafiore in my fright.
The sod was dive-bombing angry birds, and ignored my plight.
(Go to zigzackly.blogspot.com for the sordid details)
And now (after I clear my throat) my humble contribution for 2011:
Cockroaches to the left of me, cockroaches to the right,
My blood it froze like popsicles at such a fearsome sight.
“Oh Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou,”
I screamed like Bianca Castafiore in my fright.
The sod was dive-bombing angry birds, and ignored my plight.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
How not to turn a Bloody Mary into a Bloody Mess
Rule no. 1: Stay calm - I learnt this the hard way.
My hands were trembling with so much excitement as I prepared the mix, so inadvertently half a bottle of Worcestershire sauce sloshed into it. What I'm drinking now is not Bloody Mary. And, interestingly, not exactly a Bloody Mess either. I call it a Wooster Booster. It has its charms.
My hands were trembling with so much excitement as I prepared the mix, so inadvertently half a bottle of Worcestershire sauce sloshed into it. What I'm drinking now is not Bloody Mary. And, interestingly, not exactly a Bloody Mess either. I call it a Wooster Booster. It has its charms.
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