Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Hell & damnation. Or what Delhi taught me.

Okay, so I often whine and moan ceaselessly about my 9 excruciatingly long years in Delhi, but the truth is I learnt a lot of valuable lessons during my stay there. And the thing I enjoyed learning most were the swear words. Henceforth, (I have firmly decided) I will only swear in Hindi. MCBC gives you a much more satisfying emotional release than its English counterpart. Even the innocuous 'Every dog has its day' sounds so much more powerful (and oddly enough, gratifyingly menacing too) when you say it in Hindi: Har kutte ke din aate hai!
This is bound to shock my swear word phobic parents no doubt (hey, the only bad word Dad uses when he's reached the end of his tether is a prim 'ruddy') but a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. Sometimes I wonder if I was exchanged in the hospital as a baby- but then I remember that I have Mum's smirk and Dad's active dislike for Hindutva* parties.

Teri maa ki daal! Oooh- delicious.
* Just as well that none of us have introduced him to prospective Hindutva - propagating grooms. I'm certain he'd have roared, 'Yeh shaadi hargis nahin hogi' in Bollywood ishtyle. His current grouse is that none of us have married Christians or Muslims. Sigh. What to do, Dad? The good ones were already taken.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Slumdog Millionaire

Saw it- liked it! So f-ing there!!! And so what if it had glaring holes in the plot? Come on, has Bollywood ever been convincing or even remotely logical? I've wept with despair at every Bollywood produced movie I've reluctantly seen - when I wasn't laughing scornfully, that is. Screw all the disgruntled slum-dwellers who are burning effigies of Danny boy as I write this and earnest Indian reviewers who regard themselves as God (said in the same breath- ha!). The point is, I walked out feeling good. Even spent 50 bucks on idiotic heart-shaped balloons immediately after the movie. Well, there was this young balloon seller and it was late at night and I was inspired. And no- I did not take those idiotic heart-shaped balloons home- told her to keep the money. Am not soppy or stupid. Just felt good.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Rohan's become a big brother!

Finally, the Shiv Sena, Bajrang Dal and Sri Ram Sene can't stop my family from getting emotional on Valentine's Day- it's the day Rohan's little brother was born. His name right now is Rohan's Sibling till a better one comes along. Family feuds have already begun on the name- a week down the line we may well snap ties with each other. I have no decent names to offer, though. I looked at Rohan's Sibling for inspiration but all I saw was a disgruntled rat with a side parting. A cute rat, but a rat nonetheless. Nibbles or Woffles are all I have come up with so far. He looks too titchy to have a formal name right now. Anyway, it's up to Rohan to decide because he is the big brother after all.

What's hilarious is that my sister now has a set of matryoshka* dolls- both Rohan and the sibling look exactly like their dad! And now for Rohan's latest favourite joke:
Q: What has two trunks?
A: An elephant on a holiday.

*Or rather, patryoshka dolls!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

How I survived the VERY last organisation I worked at

The song playing in my head today is Psycho Killer (Talking Heads). It brought back memories of the very last place (thank god!) I worked at, some 3 years ago. The dull-as-ditchwater client servicing lot there drove me batty and gave me many 'Who am I? Why am I here?' zombie moments. The only thing that kept me borderline sane was this song. I'd downloaded it on my pc and played it during the lunch break every single day- man, the emotional release was amazing!

On my last working day there, I cleaned up my pc with joy and deleted my songs-to-get-over-working-in-a-shit-hole-angst list. There were howls of protest all around thereafter from my colleagues in the creative dept. 'You deleted that song too? That's mean- it helped us feel better about working here too!'

Am not a potential psycho killer anymore- but I still enjoy that song.

Monday, February 9, 2009

The fantastic Pink Chaddi Campaign!

Click this link, all ye who yearn to stand up to the Mangalore pub attackers: http://thepinkchaddicampaign.blogspot.com/
It's been set up by the Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women (ha ha- lurve the name!).
I'm going to be sending a whole lot of pink chaddis. Beloved Husband has asked me to add a fair number on his behalf too. What fun! Astute Sister is debating what kind of pink chaddis to send- ugly cheap ones or pretty satin and lace numbers. Friend in Banglore is sending dead sexy g-strings.
Will be in a pub on Valentine's Day (the movement calls for that) to celebrate the freedom of women in India!!!! Even if my back packs up again and have to be on a wheelchair!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

In Cold Turkey mode- ouch!

So, every evening Beloved Husband would return to see me slumped over my laptop with bloodshot watery eyes, playing Spider Solitaire furiously. The damn game had taken over my life completely- I'd even started playing it in my dreams. And, the first thought I'd have every morning was an excited, 'Yay! Another day to play Spider Solitaire!' I'd stopped reading the papers, have stacks of books piled up on my bedside table too, the gym was forgotten, deadlines were almost missed- it was terrible! Heck- I'd even forget to eat!

Finally, on Saturday night I begged him to delete all my computer games. All! Or else, in desperation I may even have got addicted to the even more infantile Purble Place. Hastily darted out of the room when he pressed the delete button. Couldn't bear to see him doing it.

With Spider Solitaire out of the way, I hope to start a new productive phase soon. Right now I'm going through acute separation anxiety. I miss that bloody game so much it's killing me! But I will survive!

Friday, February 6, 2009

The Most Despicable Woman in India Award

And the winner is Nirmala Ventakesh! Or should I say Miss Nirmala (flesh-crawling Indian ishtyle!)- this is India after all, and Ms. Nirmala does so love Indian traditions, like squashing women, for starters! How on earth can such a regressive person be a member of the National Commission for Women? She should be ejected forthwith for conducting a shabby review of the Mangalore pub attacks.

Union Minister for Women and Children Renuka Chowdhury has said that Muthalik, the perpetrator of the Mangalore pub attack, behaves like an animal because he has no wife. Perhaps Miss Nirmala (if single) would fit the bill? It's evident that they would easily win a Wills Made For Each Other contest!

Ooh, I'm having a whole lot of fun with Miss Nirmala - I've decided to give her a starring role in my next column. She's earned it, dammit!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Live & learn!

All my life I staunchly maintained that people make places.Now I discover that I was so darn wrong. I hated, hated, hated Delhi- still do! But the friends I made there- like bloody wow! It's been two days in a row that I've met different sets of friends from there. Yesterday was a meeting over a dead serious NGO session, tonight was a brief, frivolous catching up session at a pub-and time makes no difference. Within seconds we picked up from where we left off. Lovely. Suddenly realised that I miss that lot more than I miss the hot chocolate fudge nut sundae at Nirulas's. Hope to meet them more often. In Mumbai, though!