OUT OF MY HEAD
By Rupa Gulab
(Published in Bengal Post, 6th July 2010)
Dear friends, please join me in proposing hearty three cheers to our very own Babla.
Babla is being very loyal Argentina fan and bhadralok also.
He is swearing and swearing to God that he will never eat ilish maach again
If God’s hand is making Argentina win 2010 FIFA world cup in exchange.
Just you think, how many Bengalese people will barter their souls like that?
His mother is bragging that now only the fairest girl in 24 Parganas will be worthy of him.
Only naturally born ‘before’ fair girl, mind it - not ‘after’ Fair & Lovely cream girl!
Babla is being very adventurous young lad – like Christopher Columbus.
He is going to South Africa to get Diego Maradona’s autograph –
Not just for himself (he is not shellfish boy) but for everyone in the para!
Tublu, Poltu and Mintu are begging him to get Shakira’s autograph also,
But Babla is getting very angry and calling them rascals and scoundrels.
Why for he will get autographs of non-Argentina peoples?
You see how hardly his heart beats for Argentina!
Babla’s loving mother is worrying very much because it is winter in South Africa
And Babla may get bad cuff and cold.
‘Maago, stop this nakami,’ Babla is arguing, ‘I have superior quality monkey cap, no?’
His loving father is very sanguine and fully agreeing that it is only little bit nippy in the air.
So many ladies is wearing just only bra and panties in stadium, he is nodding sagely.
He is urgently reminding Babla to carry extra film roll to get stadium shots also.
You see how supportive parents can shape a child’s character and destiny?
Babla is so brave, baba, he even got his ears pierced from top to bottom,
And filled them up with plastic diamond ear-rings from pavement stalls.
His mother is crying, and saying that her khoka has become cheap transvestite
And will shake his hips in vulgar Bollywood manner, eesh!
She is not listening to common sense: Babla has done it to protect his hero Maradona,
So that muggers in South Africa will leave Maradona alone and rob him instead.
What I can say - only Bengal can produce such noble souls!
Babla is very learned cultured boy, sanskriti always comes first for him.
He is very angered that people are calling vuvuzelas nonsense things.
He is saying that vuvuzelas are more advanced than truck horns cricket fans blow.
Dakh, vuvuzelas are not just breaking cultural barriers but sound barriers also!
Plus, vuvuzelas will give better boost to general knowledge than Horlicks.
If it wasn’t for them, how people would know that mosquitos are worshipped in South Africa?
By God, I am simply not understanding why Babla never got scholarship to Oxford or Cambridge!
Babla is not dreaded Maoist but has very strong social conscience – God promise.
He is carrying one extra-large empty suitcase - not for duty free mishti,
But to bring back hazaar vuvuzelas.
He is telling to me that he will organise fiery rally for humble citizens in Kolkata,
And blow vuvuzelas outside municipal corporation offices to remind authorities about mosquito menace.
With twinkle in both eyes he is saying, after that they surely can’t be deaf to our pleas, tai na ki?
Shoti, he is only committed fellow who can bring Nano back to amar shonar Bangla!
So let’s sing he’s a jolly good fellow for Babla,
And wish our son of Bengal a happy and safe journey towards Africa and backwards also.
One last thing I have to reveal with too much pride in my voice:
Even though Babla has mishti doi-coloured safari suit, he is not going on safari – na re baba, na!
He is loyally telling why he should see common loins when our Bengal has royal tigers?
Lastly, if you see photograph of Babla kissing Maradona on the cheek in foreign newspapers,
I am begging of you, don’t condemn it as immoral act and use big big words like moral turpitude.
Let us write aatel epic poems to celebrate Babla’s most glorious moment instead!