Monday, May 2, 2011

Recent Prozac moments across the world

Tunisia and Egypt sent dictators packing. India won the cricket world cup. The UK celebrated a royal wedding - and for a change both the bride and the groom weren't hideously ugly. And today the US announced the death of Osama bin Laden in a secret operation. All terrific flag-waving, national anthem-singing, beer-guzzling moments.

I don't think anyone in India was remotely astonished that Osama bin Laden wasn't found in a dark dank cave doodling mountain goats on the walls to alleviate over 9 years of boredom. We KNEW he'd be living in the lap of luxury in Pakistan, possibly in the ISI chief's guest bedroom getting foot massages daily. We weren't far wrong were we, considering that he was discovered in a posh neighbourhood with retired Pakistan army generals as neighbours. Personally, I don't believe that those retired generals were blind.

So Pakistan can holler as much as they want about their being part of the Kill Osama operation. Like hell Indians believe them. My theories:

a)Pakistan is shrieking that they were part of this operation as a face saving measure.

b) Pakistan was desperate for even more dollars. Perhaps the ISI chief's children/grand children need to study in the US? The fees are shockingly stupendous.

c) Osama died a natural death, so the greedy things handed his now useless dead body over for cash.

d) He's alive and still getting foot massages in the ISI chief's guest bedroom - possibly wolfing down biryani and kebabs as well to celebrate his 'death'. The entire operation was staged. Hey, the US needed to do something to gracefully exit Afghanistan and make its citizens feel happy. Or else explain the secret burial at sea! But we'll never know, will we? Wikileaks can't tell us anything about it because US diplomats have become a little more cautious about how they exchange information with each other these days.

Oh well. US President Obama can graciously say that it wouldn't have been possible without Pakistan's co-operation for all I care. He HAS to, because he still needs their help. He can fool practically everyone in the world into believing that the worm has turned. Except Indians. Heck, even if it's true, we wouldn't, couldn't believe it. We understand Pakistan better than America can.

And now I'm feeling very very very sorry for all those virgins in paradise. Osama was not exactly a hottie.

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